A Bad Day All Round
by SamJackBC
Summary: It's been another difficult day for 15 Division, and Gail finds herself trying to cheer up Andy which would be weird enough. But when she learns that Holly has also been affected, can she help out her ex too? Set sometime after 5x07.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N This is my first Rookie Blue fic, and I've been away from writing for a while, so we'll see how it goes! It will have four or five chapters judging by what I already have down on paper. I'm British, and so is the friend I conned into beta reading, so please excuse any language that doesn't ring true for Canadians. This story is set after 5x07, because that's the last episode I've seen, so depending on what has been going on since it may well deviate from canon!**

'Man plans, God laughs' was a saying Gail Peck tended to agree with...and she figured it worked the same for women too. Generally Gail went solidly against the family training and deliberately didn't think too far ahead. Big plans, small plans; they all fell by the wayside when hit with the reality of life. It's why she didn't go food shopping – how does anyone know what they wanted for dinner three days in advance? Gail knew all too well that whenever she did had a set plan in life, it tended to get derailed by one thing or another. Or even several things in one go, which is essentially how tonight had been so far, and how she ended up outside this door.

A couple of hours earlier she had marched into the locker room with her evening all planned out. Get changed, get out, get to the Penny, get drunk. Tomorrow would be nothing but a raging hangover, but she figured when you've got three days in a row off, you could afford to waste one sleeping off the tequila. It had been a long shift; a jogger had stumbled across a body in the park, 15 were first on scene and it quickly turned into a murder investigation. Gail and Dov had been called in along with most of the other officers, and had spent hour upon hour doing door to door canvassing in the area around the vic's home address with nothing to show for it.

Gail didn't mind being busy; in fact recently she had been craving it, but the oppressive air that had crept through the Division today had affected her. The radio chatter had bounced through the group and it had quickly gotten around that it was a bad one. Subdued whisperings in the corridors of the station, grim nods between colleagues...it may have been people's way of doing their jobs professionally but Gail hated it. Every bit of it reminded her of how it was after the abduction, and it had been the same after the recent shootings. After Perik, Gail's way of dealing with everything was to ignore it all and pretend nothing had happened. She was good at pretending, she'd had a lifetime of practice but she had always known deep down that it wasn't working. After Ford she had been better; she had been a part of the group and she had shared their pain. She had even shared her own; mainly with Holly but also with her friends. That had kind of ground to a halt since she had wrecked things with Holly of course, although she wasn't going to forget how it had felt to actually let people in. Still, when all was said and done, when it was time for cleansing the mind, alcohol was the best way of doing that as far as Gail Peck was concerned. Hence the plan.

Gail tore her vest off and yanked open the door of her locker, slamming it violently back against it's metal neighbours. It was the resulting flinch that caught her eye and made her realise she wasn't alone, and that was the first point her plans began to change. Andy took a deep breath when she realised someone hadn't just tried to smash her head in with a locker door, before shutting her eyes and leaning back against the benches from her position on the floor. Gail surveyed her colleague impassively. There was no polite way of saying it – McNally looked awful. Her arms were wrapped securely around her kneecaps and she gripped the sleeves of her sweater tightly in each hand. Her left foot tapped out a staccato rhythm on the tiled floor, but her head was perfectly still and she looked like she was focussing on each and every breath.

Gail watched out of the corner of the eye, thinking it through as she slowly undid the buttons of her uniform shirt. Should she say something? She had called an uneasy truce on McNally – ever since the shootings it just seemed a little petty to continue the animosity. They weren't friends, but they were colleagues again and they had begun to get back to civil greetings and casual conversation. If she was honest with herself, Gail wasn't sure whether it was the shootings that had prompted this, or whether it was Holly's influence, but she didn't really want to delve into what that meant. Just because Holly seemed like one of those people who were constantly moving onwards and upwards, didn't mean that Gail should be! Gail liked petty, she enjoyed it and she was extremely good at it. But still. Andy had once been sort of a friend and when things were good with Holly, Gail has almost accepted that Andy had done her a favour by taking Nick away...the blonde officer shook her head to wipe out this train of thought. Don't go there Peck. "Hey" she offered tentatively, still not looking over at the woman sat on the floor.

"Hi Gail" came the quiet response. Shit. Gail couldn't deal with this. Whipping her phone out of her pocket, she fired off a quick text before swapping her undershirt for a looser, plain top.

'_Get down to the locker room, McNally is looking like someone's kicked her puppy down the stairs and I don't know what to say to her'_

Her phone bleeped almost immediately;

_Nash: 'Can't. Checking out a lead. Look after her Gail, she needs it today.'_

"Damn it" muttered Gail under her breath. She ignored Traci and forwarded the same message off again to her only other choice when it came to workplace counselling. She had time to finish getting changed and was pulling on her boots when the second reply came;

_Oliver: "Man up Peck. Back up your fellow officer"._

_Gail: "Oliver, you know I'm not good at this touchy feely stuff. What if it's a Sam problem!? I don't think I can pretend to care."_

_Oliver: "Andy was first on scene today. Like you were last month."_

Oh. Gail sighed and, for the first time, looked directly at McNally who was still in the same position. She was tempted to walk away and leave it, but in the pit of her stomach she felt a hint of the same helpless despair she had experienced on the evening of Trina's death. She had gone home and cried her eyes out in her room, wishing for someone to come and tell her it was ok. Wishing that Holly was there. Gail steeled herself, shuffled over and sat down on the bench opposite Andy.

"Bad day, huh?" she asked.

Andy looked up and nodded slowly. "The worst" she said.

That didn't give Gail much to work with, but she'd gotten this far and decided she might as well go all in and ask a question that had potentially never passed her lips before. "Are you ok?"

Even in her state, McNally looked a little surprised at that query. She rubbed a hand over her face before answering, "Yeah...no. I don't know. It was a tough one and I'm just feeling drained".

"Right," Gail replied, her mind at a loss as to what to say next. Andy watched the unease spread across the blonde's face, and couldn't help wondering why on earth Gail was checking up on her. "I'm alright Gail. You can go home, you don't need to worry about me," she told her former friend.

An irritated look flashed across Gail's face. "I'm not worried about you. It's just the cleaners will be here soon, and they can't work with you taking up all this floor space!" she retorted. Andy couldn't help but give a small grin in response. Gail wrinkled her nose and tried again, "Look McNally. I hear this morning was bad and you were there. I'm just making sure you're not sitting here about to fall apart about it. So if you want to talk about it, then I'm listening,"

Andy nodded. "I'm not falling apart. I'm just feeling a bit empty, you know? We're not rookies anymore Gail, and you go out there thinking you've seen it all and know it all. I honestly thought nothing could shock me any more, but this morning...it was awful. And I felt like I was back in my first week, trying to get my head round why people can be so vile".

"This is why I hate people," Gail said, half to herself, but Andy laughed loudly at that.

"Maybe you've got the right idea Peck," she mused.

"Nope. The right idea is the Black Penny, and lots of shots. Coming?" Gail asked. She had been looking forward to a solitary session, but made an on the spot decision that company wouldn't be too bad. She knew what Andy meant. Their job meant they constantly saw the worst in people and it was hard not to focus on that. If it got awkward, she could always ditch McNally, there was bound to be someone else in there they knew.

Andy hesitated for a moment then shoved herself off the lockers and agreed, "Sure. Let's get out of here!"

...

As the women left the locker room, they came across the second point in which Gail's plan shifted further off track. Strutting around the corridor like he owned the place was Duncan, phone in his hand as always, only this time he was using it to talk to someone, not just to take mindless photos.

"Dude, it was crazy. This chick had been smashed, I'm telling you. The guy who found her had passed out he was so scared, some of the cops were sick, hell, even the hot forensic doc was freaking out! It was the most screwed up thing I've ever seen!"

Andy and Gail looked at each other in complete disbelief. Gail could see the anger building in the brunette's eyes and she was pretty sure that in the next thirty seconds, Gerald would be needing medical attention. She just didn't know whether it would be thanks to Andy, or herself. They turned together and marched over to the rookie. Gail tapped him sharply on the shoulder, and as he turned, Andy ripped the phone out of his hand. Duncan stretched out a hand to grab it back, but Gail leant closer and elbowed him neatly in the ribs.

"Who is this?" Andy demanded into the phone. The reply clearly didn't mean anything to her as she asked the voice on the other end "so Marcus, you're a friend of Duncan's?" Gail heard a 'yeah' squeak from the phone before the voice started to bluster into a longer sentence, but Andy cut them off, "Well, _dude_, you'd better stay on the line and listen up to this, because Duncan here has got a couple of other things you ought to know". She took the phone away from her ear and looked straight at Moore.

"Firstly, Rookie, the 'chick' you were just talking about? She was a real person, with a life and friends and a family and it's all ended in the worst possible way. You are a disgrace, talking about her like that. This is not a game, asshole. You do not joke around about victims – you show them respect, or so help me God I will get you fired, whatever it costs me,". Andy paused to catch her breath, and Gail decided to get involved.

"Secondly, Gerald, I don't know what they teach you kids in the Academy these days, but you are talking about an active investigation with a member of the public. Now, if you can root through the dusty corners of your miniscule brain, and remember the code of conduct you signed up to, that actually is a breach of confidentiality, and will result in disciplinary action," she told him.

Duncan looked as though he was about to say something, but before he could open his mouth, Andy jumped in, "Thirdly, I don't know where this excitement has come from, and frankly I'm disgusted by it, but it seems a little strange, considering when you arrived as back up this morning, you took one look at the victim and puked your breakfast up over your own shoes. You then sat crying in the back of your cruiser for an hour before refusing to go the morgue because you 'didn't think you could take it',"

Gail lifted her eyebrows at this, and Andy confirmed it with a wry nod of the head. The blonde officer stepped in tight to Duncan and got into his face. "Lastly, Rookie, if I ever hear you talking like that again about any of the officers here, or our people in forensics , then it won't be getting fired you need to worry about. Because I will break your stupid neck." She started directly into Duncan's startled face, letting him see the anger in her own stony blue eyes, before stepping back. Andy lifted the phone to her ear again.

"Did you get all of that, Marcus?" Andy asked the now silent voice. "Good," she stated, before swiping across the screen and ending the call. "Is that all clear Duncan?" she enquired in a low voice. The rookie was staring at the floor, but nodded briefly.

"I didn't mean to..." he started to say, but this time it was Gail who cut him off.

"Think about it Gerald. Just think about it," she told him, before tugging on Andy's tensed arm. "Come on McNally, we have places to be," Andy held out Duncan's phone toward him, but on impulse, Gail grabbed it first and tossed it into a nearby trashcan. She smirked slightly as it hit the bottom and instead of a metal clang, she heard the tell tale squelch that meant someone's half eaten lunch had softened the impact. Andy and Gail started to walk away, but as they reached the double doors, Gail turned back and ran her eyes over the crestfallen rookie.

"Oh, and Gerald? Take a shower. You stink," she smiled sweetly and exited the building after McNally.


	2. Chapter 2

Gail walked out into the dusk and spotted an agitated Andy pacing across the car park ahead of her. She called out to the other officer, "Hey McNally, who-"

"We shouldn't have done that. We should not have done that!" Andy interrupted, jabbing her finger towards the station door.

"What?" demanded Gail. "That tool had it coming! Who the hell talks about a vic like that?"

"I know, but it's just not worth it" Andy shook her head and grimaced.

"Seriously Andy, I don't know how you put up with shit like that when you were his TO,"

"That's just it Gail, I'm not even his Training Officer anymore. I shouldn't be calling him out in the middle of the station, it's been made pretty clear that's not my job any more. And I certainly shouldn't be getting mad and yelling at him with his friend on the other end of the phone, listening to every word!" Andy groaned, and starting to thunk herself on the forehead with the heel of her hand. "Stupid, stupid!"

Gail rolled her eyes and grabbed her friend's wrist. "Careful idiot, don't give yourself yet more brain damage. Look, what's he going to do? Report you again? Didn't go so well last time!"

"I nearly lost my job over that Gail! If Daddy Commissioner hears about this, I'll up against the disciplinary panel! Oh my God, I'm going to have a workplace harassment case over my head..."

Gail lifted the arm she was still holding and used Andy's own hand to tap her smartly on the nose, surprising her into silence. "Ok McNally, listen up, because this is twice in one day I'm going to offer you the benefit of my wisdom" she stated. "Gerald is not going to tell anyone about this," Gail let go of McNally's wrist and used her fingers to count her points "First off, he knows he's in the wrong – you don't tell your friends and laugh it up about cases. Second, he's going to be embarrassed. His pal knows he spewed his guts up and cried at a scene. And let's face it, he just got his ass kicked by two girls!" Gail held up a third finger and waited for Andy to smile at that one.

"And number four, his Dad may be the Commissioner, but I've got Superintendant Mom. And you don't mess with her. It's all politics McNally, they won't want the next cocktail party to be awkward," she finished with a flourish.

Andy smirked at the thought of Duncan's Step Dad and Elaine Peck discussing the behavious of their children over the vol-au-vents,as if thye were errant toddlers. "Yeah, maybe you're right" she conceded.

"Of course I am," Gail declared firmly. "And if it helps, if anything does happen I'll tell them it was all me and you tried to stop me. And you could always ring Oliver and give him the heads up about it, get in there first?"

Andy leant back against her car and looked up at the blonde woman standing opposite her, arms folded and a small frown on her face. She hadn't a clue about what had prompted Gail to get involved with her this evening, but if felt good to have the other officer back in her corner, "Thanks, Gail," she said. Gail snorted and turned away slightly.

"No, seriously. Thank you. For stopping me stressing out and for helping with Duncan. I appreciate it." Andy told her, sincerely.

"Well don't get used to it McNally, next time I'm sending Oliver down to sort you out," Gail stated.

"Oliver would say it's good to see McPeck back on track," Andy offered, tentatively.

Gail looked up sharply at that. She hadn't been trying to have some sort of friendship epiphany with Andy, she just didn't want to see the woman in a mess. Although when she thought about it, would she have cared if Andy was having a freak out a few months ago? Probably not, she reasoned. Gail was over Nick, she really was and by default, she was kind of over what had happened. But since things had gone wrong with Holly, she had been feeling a little distant from everyone and the difference was now that it actually bothered her. At home Dov was wrapped up with Chloe and Chris had been acting really strangely lately. Nick was all heartbroken and stoic. Traci was dating Steve, which was cool but also weird in terms of hanging out with either of them, and actually who did Gail know outside of work? These bunch of lunatics were the only friends she had, McNally included. And she might as well get on with it.

"I guess so," she said softly.

McNally smiled, "Penny then?" she asked.

"Yep!" she started to say, but then remembered something from earlier, "Wait McNally, before you were rambling on about how you're gonna lose your badge, I was trying to ask you – who came to the scene this morning from Forensics?" Gail tried to act nonchalant about her query, but Andy wasn't buying it and looked troubled.

"It was Holly, Gail" she told her.

"Right. Good. I mean, you know, Holly's good, so it'll be done right and that's good, yeah? " Gail paused. "Was she ok, Andy? The rookie said something about her freaking out...?" the blonde cop tailed off, not quite knowing if she even had the right to ask.

Andy chewed her lip and answered cautiously, "Well. I wouldn't have said she was freaking out, but she was a little...on edge, I guess. She seemed a bit flustered when she first got to the scene, and she didn't look great."

"That's really not like Holly," Gail mused. "She's like Super Doc when she's at scene, using her super nerdy powers to sort everything out,"

"Yeah, I've worked with her a few times and never seen her like today. And, I wasn't there so I don't know for sure, but Traci went down to the morgue. She mentioned that after they'd finished up for the day, Holly was locked up in her office. Traci thought she was upset," Andy told her.

Gail frowned. She had never known Holly to get upset about a case. It wasn't that Holly didn't care, she was passionate about her work and it mattered to her deeply. But she didn't get emotional about it. They'd spoken about it once, and Holly had said that she had to be detached to do her job properly and it was only afterwards she let herself think about the person. Gail figured it was the same being a police officer, only she kind of sucked at that part herself.

If Holly was upset about a case then something was wrong, Gail decided. Especially if she was upset enough that even the moron Rookie could notice. Gail felt her stomach knot up with worry. She didn't know what to do; should she call or something? Would Holly even want to hear from anyone, let alone the idiot who had walked away from her? "Shit," she muttered.

"Tell her we're thinking of her, and she did good today," Andy said quietly.

"What?"

"When you call her. Today got to me as well, and some of the guys. So just tell her I said I hope she's ok," Andy explained.

Gail pulled a face at the other officer, "Who said anything about calling her, McNally?"

"Sure you are Gail,"

"We broke up remember?" Gail snapped.

"I know. But she's upset. And now you're upset because she's upset. She probably just needs a friend. You'd check up on Nick or Chris," Andy reasoned.

"Pretty sure I wouldn't, McNally. I'm not you!" came Gail's retort.

"Ok. But you checked up on me in the locker room. Seems like it might be your night for that sort of thing," Andy suggested. She recognised that Gail desperately did want to make sure Holly was ok, but was unsure of whether Holly would want to speak to her. Andy was fairly confident it would exactly what Holly needed. "Hey, we'll take a rain check on the Penny idea. Give you time to make your call," she told Gail before pulling her car keys from her bag and turning to unlock it.

Gail stepped back. What the heck, she thought. She was only going to spend the night worrying about Holly now anyway, so what difference would it make if Holly didn't want to speak to her?

"McNally!" she called. "I'm not going to call Holly,"

Andy looked back at the blonde in disappointment, but before she could say anything, Gail continued, "You owe me one for tonight though, right? In fact, you owe me at least three or four, but do me one favour tonight and we'll call it quits,"

Andy figured that keeping an open debt with Gail was always dangerous, so agreed to that logic fairly quickly.

"Great!" said Gail, "I need a ride, and we need to stop at a couple of places on the way..."

"Ok Peck, jump in," Andy told her friend.

Gail grinned and jogged round to her side of the car. As Andy pulled out of the parking spot, she remembered something else, "By the way, nice touch with the phone there. I was going to can it straight away, but letting his friend listen in? Genius!"

Andy giggled. "Did you know the detectives ordered in Chinese for lunch?" she asked gleefully. "That trash can would have been full of leftovers!"

Both women laughed at the thought of Duncan picking his phone out of a carton of noodles.

"Come on McNally, stop basking in our glory. We got places to be!" Gail insisted as they drove out of the station.


	3. Chapter 3

Considering she had only ended up outside this door by accident, Gail had been staring at it for what seemed like an awful long time. She stood motionless, convincing herself that she was brave enough to knock. After all, she'd already sort of had a conversation about feelings with McNally that evening, and she liked Holly more and found her much easier to talk to. So checking up on the pathologist should be simple enough.

Same thing Peck, she told herself, running through the possible conversation in her mind. Keep it short and sweet – ask her if she's ok, listen to the answer, say something helpful, avoid sarcasm, somehow make Holly feel better. This is the sort of thing that normal humans with normal emotions do - they look after each other. The little voice in the back of Gail's head may be telling her that she wasn't really classed as normal, but Goddammit, she was trying to be! Of course, if Holly slammed the door in her face then she wouldn't have to do the whole conversation thing anyway…although Gail couldn't work out whether she would be happier about that or not. She groaned. What the heck. If Holly didn't want to speak to her then her plans would just revert back to their original state and she could forget the whole idea of being concerned for people once again. She shifted the shopping bags in her arms to one side and knocked lightly on the door, still half hoping that Holly wouldn't hear it.

As it turned out, one of Holly's SuperNerd powers was bat-like hearing and Gail saw the peephole darken as someone looked out from the inside. There was a pause, which Gail felt was even more nerve wracking that the last ten minutes she had spent stood outside but then the door swung open and Holly appeared from behind it. She was still in her work clothes, though barefoot and without her glasses she didn't look like the professional and confident woman Gail was used to seeing stride around the lab. Holly looked deflated, her eyes were red rimmed and her shoulders slumped inwards, almost as if she was a small animal curling herself up ready for hibernation. "Hey," Gail said, tentatively.

"Hey," Holly replied, clutching the door handle and peering out at her unexpected visitor.

Gail fought the urge to grin, Holly's myopic gaze made the hibernation comparison even more apparent. "Hi," she said again stupidly, immediately expecting Holly to come back and tell her they'd done that part already. But Holly ignored it, and fiddled with the edge of the door.

"Gail, what are you doing here?" she asked.

The police officer stiffened, expecting the door slam situation that she had already imagined earlier. "Well. I was going to the Penny, but Andy was wallowing and the rookie was being a tool. Which usually I would ignore, but I had this case a few weeks ago and Sophie lost her mom and that sucked. For Sophie mainly, but for me too. And so I thought I should check on Andy…" Gail rattled off her explanation before glancing back at Holly and mistaking her look of complete confusion for a squint, "Can you even see me without your glasses on?" she enquired.

"Are you babbling?" Holly asked, ignoring the inane question.

Gail thought back over what she had just said. It has made sense in her own head, but maybe you had to be there. She squirmed on the spot a little before answering, "Like a brook," she admitted ruefully.

Holly rubbed at her cheek, "That's supposed to be my job," she replied.

"Yeah I know," Gail told her, noticing the tears welling up in those dark eyes and feeling her own throat tighten up in response, "Look, I know you've had a rough day. So I just wanted to see if you were ok?" She lifted up the shopping bags that were beginning to cut into her fingers, "I bought you some takeout, because I figured you won't have eaten. And Jack Daniels, because alcohol helps, and ice-cream and even some relaxing bath stuff that smells like jasmine...I'm babbling again, aren't I?"

Gail sighed. She was making a mess of this. She stepped closer to the doorway but her eyes were drawn to Holly's hand which was gripping the door handle so tightly her knuckles had gone white. Gail's eyes travelled up Holly's trembling arm and onto her face where a solitary tear had escaped and was working it's way slowly down her cheek. Gail resisted the urge to reach out and catch it with her thumb. Holly's bottom lip was caught between her teeth and despair was etched on her face.

"Hol, say something?" she begged.

Holly lifted her gaze and her eyes met Gail's. "Gail...that's really..." she began, but as she started to speak her lip quivered and she choked back a sob and she buried her face in her hands. The sight of Holly's tears hit Gail solidly in the chest almost as if it were a physical pain, and so she stepped straight through the open door, dumping the shopping bags on the doormat.

"Shhush, it's ok," she murmured, as she eased Holly away from where she had slumped against the hallway wall and wrapped her arms around the sobbing woman. Holly had squeezed her hands into tight fists, pressing them against her own eyes and when Gail pulled the other woman's head to rest into her shoulder, she could feel Holly's arms trapped between their bodies. She awkwardly tried to prise Holly's hands away from her face, but gave up when it seemed this only made the dark haired woman cry harder. At a loss to know what to do, Gail listened to the hitch in Holly's breathing and felt a lump rise in her own throat. She swallowed it down; now was not the time to have her own breakdown!

"Relax Nerd, let it go," she whispered into Holly's ear. Gail rubbed small, gentle circles on Holly's back and let her cry, crooning whatever soft words of comfort came to mind. She felt like an idiot. She was supposed to be cheering Holly up, not making things worse. And all she could really think of to say was that it would be ok. Gail hated it when people told her that. What a stupid thing to say. Not everything turned out ok, and how the hell did anyone ever know what would and what wouldn't?

Urgh. She was bad at this. Utterly useless - it didn't even seem like Holly was listening. Gail started to panic a little. What was she supposed to do? She wasn't helping here. What if Holly never stopped crying? Gail's brain went off onto a tangent of how long it would take Holly to flood the townhouse with tears. She bet it couldn't be that long as it already felt like Gail's top was soaked through to her skin. However, as she debated whether the coffee table would float well enough to become a raft and if they could use that lamp to paddle it out a window, Holly's sobs became slightly quieter.

Gail took the opportunity to pull Holly away from the still open door, and over towards the couch. "Come on Hols, I've got you," she told the pathologist, leaving one arm around her shoulders and using the other to tug her gently through the living room.

Holly didn't resist and she dropped her hands away from her face. "You're not making my table into a boat, Gail" she said softly.

Gail chuckled. She hadn't realised she had been musing out loud, but at least Holly had heard what she was saying. She gave Holly's shoulders one last squeeze and pushed her gently down on the couch before sitting on the table opposite her. Holly was staring intently into her lap where her fingers plucked ineffectively at the damp shirt cuffs around her wrists, so Gail took the chance to study her. Holly's eyes were red and puffy. She looked drained, as if all the energy had been sucked from her body and she was making no further attempt to engage with Gail, casting her eyes downward even though she must have felt the blonde's gaze upon her.

Gail stretched over and grabbed the fancy box of tissues Holly kept on the shelf under the table, dropping it into the other woman's lap. She remembered telling Holly a couple of months ago that there was simply no point in keeping tissues in wooden boxes scattered around the house, and that if you needed to blow your nose you could just use toilet paper. She guessed that if it ever came up again she could concede that argument now – clearly the point of these things was that they are on hand for unexpected emotional breakdowns.

"Are you ok?" Gail asked. Holly nodded silently, using a tissue to dab at her nose. Gail took the hint loud and clear; now wasn't the time to talk it through. Man, this was much harder work than McNally had been earlier.

"I'm going to run you a bath, Hol. You need to get out of those work clothes and chill out for a bit. Then you can eat. Ok?"

Holly nodded again, although this time she looked up at Gail and gave her a small, watery smile. Gail patted Holly's knee clumsily and stood up, glad of something practical to do. She made her way towards the bathroom, detouring back to the front door to retrieve the shopping and slam shut the still open door. "Sorry!" she yelled over her shoulder, noticing how Holly had jumped at the noise. Great. First she made Holly cry, then she scared her. The way this was going, she was probably about the flood the bathroom. Ah well, at least the coffee table raft plan was already in place.

Gail filled the bath and added generous amounts of the fancy bubble bath she had bought earlier. Holly already had a few choices of bath stuff lined up on the shelf; Gail hadn't a clue what the difference between all of them was, but heck, the one she bought was purple and had cost 8 bucks. "All set Nerd!" she called out. She grabbed one of Holly's fancy towels out of the cupboard and draped it over the towel rack.

Holly appeared in the doorway, and gazed listlessly at the bath. She sipped water from the glass in her hand before setting it down on the side of the sink. "Thank you. It smells great," she said.

"Bit flowery," Gail replied, wrinkling her nose.

"I like it," Holly told her, simply.

Gail nodded. "Well it's supposed to be relaxing. That's what the bottle says anyway. So just take your time, chill out for a bit. Give me your phone," she asked, holding her hand out.

Holly dug into her pants pocket and handed it over without question. Gail plugged it into the speakers and as she punched in the code, she felt a pang of emotion.

"You should really change your PIN you know. Birthdays are obvious," she declared, as she flipped through the music.

"It's your birthday. Not mine." Holly stated from behind her.

"Yeah, but it was your birthday and you only changed it because I said that wasn't secure. So picking another birthday isn't either." Gail picked an album and pressed play, before turning to face the brunette. She sucked in her breath sharply when she saw Holly had unbuttoned her shirt and was shrugging out of it.

"Whoa. Ok. Give me chance to get out your way Holly!" she said, turning back round to face the wall.

"It's nothing you haven't seen before," came the matter of fact reply.

"That is beside the point," Gail said grumpily, and shot out the bathroom quicker than she had ever chased a subject. As she shut the door behind her, she couldn't help grinning. Holly still looked like she was on the edge of falling down, but that exchange showed she was a lot more with it than she was forty minutes ago at the front door.

"Gail?" she heard Holly call from inside the bathroom.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry I cried all over your shirt,"

Gail looked down at her shoulder and saw a large, damp stain. Oh well. "Don't worry about it, dork," she yelled back.

Gail walked across to Holly's bedroom and nudged the door open with her toe. She stood on the threshold, surveying the room carefully. Nothing had changed, which was weird. Although on second thoughts, she didn't know why that was weird, or even why she had expected things to be different. Sure it had been months since she had stayed over in this room, but it was hardly likely Holly would have had the sudden urge to re-decorate in that period. Gail liked Holly's room; it was light and spacious and cheerful. It had felt like a safe haven for a while, almost like their own private cocoon. At the start of their friendship, even before the kiss in the interrogation room changed things, Gail had enjoyed hanging out here when she had stayed over a couple of times. She had felt like it was effortless, she didn't need to try and be anything that she wasn't. And when things had progressed, for a period of time she hadn't wanted to share Holly with anyone and when they were in this room, she didn't have to. Strange how the aloof and disconnected Gail Peck had suddenly craved emotional intimacy.

Ok, so she and Holly had been pretty short and sweet as it turned out. But it had been important and when things ended, for Gail it had been a major event. It changed things, little things that she hadn't even been aware of. Gail felt differently about all sorts of stuff since Holly. So she figured it wasn't that she expected the bedroom to look any different. She just thought that the room that she had cherished should now feel altered for her. She stepped into the bedroom and walked round slowly. It was still light, it was still spacious and it was still cheerful. It even still felt safe. Gail opened the drawer where Holly kept her sweats and pulled out some pants and a t-shirt for her to wear after her bath. She placed them on the end of the bed and as she trailed her fingers over the sheets, there was an ache building in her chest. She had thrown away the right to call this place her safe haven; it was just plain old Holly's room now.

Suddenly, it hit her. The last time she had seen Holly, the pathologist had told her she was seeing someone. The air rushed from her lungs. This room could be someone else's special place now. Somebody else could be looking forward to spending lazy hours in here; talking, laughing, cuddling...doing other stuff. Gail felt sick. She didn't want to think about it. Whoever the mystery woman was, she was lucky she hadn't left any of her shit on the bedside table, because it may just have accidentally been knocked out the window in that moment.

Gail stormed out of the bedroom and downstairs into the kitchen. She drummed her fingers furiously against the countertop; she shouldn't be here. Holly's new girlfriend would probably be coming round to hang out, or maybe they had a date planned. Holly had obviously already called her and poured her heart out about her shitty day; because Holly never kept her feelings back. That was probably why she was so upset when Gail arrived; she had just had a deep and meaningful about it and didn't want to rehash things again.

Holly's new girlfriend was almost certainly some sort of super competent, emotionally accessible, strong and dependable rock. She was probably on her way over right now to take care of Holly. And Gail would bet good money she'd be bringing home cooked food and expensive wine, not take out and hard liquor. That would be the grown up and normal thing to do. "You're an idiot, Peck," Gail muttered to herself. She pulled the take out bag off the counter and shoved it into the fridge, before heading to the front door. Time to go. She had no desire to meet Little Miss Perfect, and she was damn sure that Little Miss Perfect would make a better job of looking after Holly than Gail could anyway, and so Holly would be better off.

As she reached out for the door handle though, she paused as another thought crossed her mind. She was doing it again. Wasn't this how her problems started in the first place? Gail sighed. She was trying with this whole self realization thing, she really was, but recognising and trying to change your faults? It was a complete bitch. Gail Peck, the ultimate cut and run queen. But not this time; she was going to escape of course, but first she was going to say goodbye. Because, and she was starting to think this was becoming some sort of mantra, that was what normal humans with normal emotions did. Gail stomped up the stairs and knocked on the bathroom door.

"Hey, Holly? Listen, I put the food in the fridge for you, it'll just need reheating. I'm going to take off now, make sure you eat," she called through the door. She heard the bath water slap against the tub as Holly shifted.

"Gail? Wait, Gail!" came the reply.

Gail pulled a face. "Yeah?" she asked.

"Come in here," Holly shouted.

"I'm good out here actually, you know, hanging out on the landing. Checking out your window locks." Gail responded nervously.

"Gail. Please."

Gail winced. She was a sucker for Holly asking nicely. She cracked the door a few inches, closed her eyes and stuck her head through. It might have been a trick of an over active imagination, or even wishful thinking, but she could have sworn she heard Holly rolling her eyes.

"Will you stick around please Gail? Have some dinner with me?" Holly asked in a soft voice.

"Haven't you got other plans? I mean, shouldn't someone else be here?" Gail said, desperately trying to sound like she was unconcerned.

"What?"

Oh God, thought Gail. Holly was going to make her spell it out. She should have ran off when she had the chance. "I just thought your uhm, girlfriend might be stopping by?" she half questioned Holly, with her eyes still closed and feeling with an idiot. The water stopped moving.

"Gail, will you look at me?" Holly asked.

Gail shook her head violently in response.

"Ok. Whatever. To be honest, I don't really want you seeing me in this state anyway. I don't have a girlfriend Gail, and there's nobody coming round here tonight. I didn't even know you were coming, remember? But I'm really glad you did. And as you bought dinner, the least I can do is share it with you," Holly told her.

Gail fought the impulse to let her eyes fly open and look incredulously at Holly. No girlfriend? It was on the tip of her tongue to comment that Holly sure did get through them quickly, but she bit it back. The wavering tone of Holly's voice meant even Gail couldn't throw sarcasm at her right now. "I'll be downstairs when you're ready," she said quietly, withdrawing from the doorway.

Twenty minutes later, Gail had almost finished reheating the food when Holly walked downstairs using a bath towel to squeeze the ends of her hair dry. Gail carried two plates over to the table and kicked out a chair for Holly to sit in. "Feeling better?" she asked.

"I am. Taking a bath helped...thank you," Holly replied as she took her seat.

Gail bought the food containers out from the kitchen and sat down too, scrutinising the woman opposite carefully. Holly looked calmer but there was none of her usual liveliness about her. She was looking back at Gail steadily though, which Gail took to be a good sign. She waved a fork towards the food.

"I don't know about you, but I'm starving. Eat up. Then maybe you can tell me about today?"

Holly's gaze slipped away, but she nodded slightly and started to spoon spicy Thai chicken onto her plate. The two women ate in silence for much of the meal, but Gail continued to watch Holly out of the corner of her eyes whilst she shovelled noodles into her mouth.

Holly finally spotted the less than subtle staring. "It's ok Gail. I'm not going to burst into tears again," she reassured the blonde.

Gail shrugged. "It doesn't matter if you do. But I wasn't worrying about you, I was looking at your t-shirt" she asserted, surreptitiously crossing her fingers under the table, "I didn't have you pegged as a Guns N Roses fan?"

Holly glanced down at the old and worn t-shirt she had found laid out on the bed for her when she came out the bathroom.

"Hmmm, I'm not really. This belonged to my ex actually. She left it behind and I never returned it,"

"Oh." Gail said, wishing she hadn't mentioned it but, in a morbidly curious way, desperate to know more. "Is this the girl you were with recently?" she enquired casually.

Holly paused. "I'm sorry, who?" she asked.

"You told me that you were seeing someone on the day with the thumb. But you just said in the bathroom that you hadn't got a girlfriend. So I figured you'd split up or something," Gail reasoned.

Setting down her cutlery, Holly grimaced. "Look, Gail. I don't know what you're getting at, but when I saw you that day and you actually spoke to me, I was kind of taken aback. Then you invited me out for a drink and I was shocked, quite frankly. I said the first thing that came to mind," Holly leaned back on her chair and lined her plate up with the edge of the table before continuing.

"I was seeing someone that night. I was going out on a date with a girl I've known for a while. Jen is basically a friend of a friend, and so we only see each other occasionally. We get on well but it had never gone beyond that because one or other of us had been attached or whatever in the past. But a couple of weeks after you and I stopped talking, it was our friend's birthday. We went out for a few drinks and Jen was there and one thing kind of led to another..."

"I don't need to know this Holly!" Gail interrupted sharply.

"Gail, no! Not like that! I just meant that we got chatting and she asked me out and I said yes. We went out a couple of times, but it never really got off the ground. It was more like friends having dinner – something and nothing. I haven't seen her in weeks," Holly stated.

Gail couldn't help but feel a flood of relief run through her body. "So, it's not her t-shirt?" she clarified.

"No. Jen has never been to my house, let alone left her clothes here,"

"Well it's none of my business who you have round here Holly," Gail retorted flippantly as she rose to clear the table.

Holly sighed. "Gail, please don't do this," she implored. "I'm tired and I'm emotional and I don't want to argue with you,"

Gail leant up against kitchen counter with her back to the table. She berated herself internally for getting snarky with Holly. She hadn't meant to ask about the girlfriend, but curiosity got the better of her. And she was secretly kind of thrilled that Holly hadn't moved on in the way that she thought she had. She exhaled slowly before turning to face Holly. "I'm sorry," she said sincerely.

Holly simply nodded and smiled lopsidedly, "That's ok."

"So. Do you want to tell me about this morning? Tell me why you're so tired and emotional?" Gail threw the question out there. She was nervous about persuading Holly to talk, because she was essentially terrible at this sort of thing, but she also didn't want to let it go. She had never seen Holly as upset as she was earlier. Whatever had happened with the case today had really shaken the woman who was usually epitome of the consummate professional.

Holly's smile faded and her body stiffened once more. "Did you say you'd bought Jack Daniels?" she asked.

"Yep," Gail said.

"Bring it with you. I think I need a drink," Holly said darkly, as she got up and moved towards the living room area.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: First off, thanks to all those who have taken the time to review this, or sent me messages. It's much appreciated! Secondly, I see this story having two more chapters. But I am off on holiday for two weeks now, so won't be updating for a while...sorry! I'll try not to leave you on a cliffhanger! Last of all, I made up the bit of psychology near the start of the chapter. It's probably completely wrong! But oh well, mistakes are the only thing that belongs to me. Cheers.**

When Gail walked through to the living area, she found Holly sat on the floor with her back resting against the couch. Gail shoved the coffee table over so she could sit down next to her, and placed the bottle and two glasses on the floor between them.

"Why do people always curl up on the floor when they're freaking out? It's as if chairs suddenly become obsolete," she mused.

"Some psychologists hypothesise that when adults are experiencing trauma, they revert to the foetal position because their subconscious associates the womb as a safe place. Others say it's more of a primitive biological reaction; curling up protects your vital organs and brain and this is the innate response to a perceived threat," Holly casually rattled off her explanation as she poured two generous measures of Jack. She looked up to hand Gail's glass over, only to see wide blue eyes staring at her fixatedly.

"It was a rhetorical question, nerd!" the cop stated, completely aghast.

"Oh. Sorry." Holly mumbled.

Gail had to laugh at the brunette's crestfallen face. She leant over slightly to her left and bumped her shoulder gently against Holly's to let her know she didn't really mean it. She loved it when Holly bought out the inner genius.

"Well you're in your safe place, Hols. Your organs are shielded...apart from your liver maybe, with that amount of whiskey on the horizon. What happened today?" she asked.

Holly sighed and took a sip of her drink before responding, "Lily Taylor. Seventeen years old, five foot three inches tall, one hundred and twenty three pounds in weight, no distinguishing marks or features. Found in her local park this morning; she had been attacked whilst out running last night. Throat had been cut, extensive ante-mortem injuries. I'm sure you been briefed on the case at the station, so I don't need to tell you the details, but it's one of the worst I've seen. And I've seen a lot," Holly shuddered and Gail simply nodded at her to continue.

"I'm good at what I do, Gail. In fact, I'm really good. Some people think that to be a pathologist, you have to see beyond the person, just see the body as almost like a piece of meat, but that's not true. Sure, you can't let it affect you, and you do become a little desensitised to the stuff other people would think is gross. But it is still a person, and you need to focus on that to be able to do your job well, and help work out what happened to them. So having a seventeen year old girl laid out on my slab after being horrifically murdered affects me, of course it does,"

"No-one would blame you for that Holly," Gail said quietly.

Holly gave her a sad smile, "I know. Yet I'm trained and experienced enough to let it go usually. I have my quiet moment then I get on with the job in hand. But today was different. It was hard to do that,"

"Why?" Gail asked.

Holly didn't reply. She knocked back the rest of her drink, and slowly unscrewed the bottle cap to pour herself another. She offered Gail some, but when it was turned down she replaced the cap and set the bottle down close to her side. Holly swirled the liquid around her glass and watched as it coated the inside with a thin sheen.

"A couple of reasons I guess," she said, thoughtfully. She glanced at Gail to see the police officer watching her intently. That figured; Gail's job meant she would be used to hearing people's stories and despite the blonde going through life pretending she didn't care, Holly had noticed she had always been a good listener. She took a deep breath and decided to just get on with it.

"When I was nineteen years old, I was attacked," Holly said, matter of factly. "I was at college, and I was on a couple of the sports team so I used to jog through my local park every evening as part of my training routine. I always did the same route. Then one night, this guy jumped out of a wooded area and tackled me. I tried to fight him, I really did, but he was too strong. He had his arm around my throat from behind and he dragged me into the trees."

"God, Holly," Gail uttered, as she felt her whole body go cold. Holly was facing straight ahead, the words tumbling out of her mouth in a monotone, like she was reciting them by rote. Gail wanted to move closer towards her and hold her tight, but the tension in the pathologist's body was a warning sign not to touch her.

Holly bit down on her lip and shook her head before continuing. "He pulled me out of sight, and didn't loosen up on my neck. I screamed, and he told me to shut up or he'd kill me. Like a fool, I went quiet. His free hand was roaming all over me and I struggled and struggled. Then I felt him pull at my shorts." Holly pushed her glasses up her nose and squeezed her eyes tightly shut, the small muscle in the side of her jaw twitching as she fought the urge to cry.

The pause in the story left all sorts of things running through Gail's head. Her stomach twisted in horror at the thought of some bastard hurting her Holly. She almost didn't want to hear the rest, but she couldn't let Holly leave it there. Holly clearly needed to get this out.

"Hols, did he...did he hurt you?" she asked in a tight voice.

"Not in the way you're thinking," Holly replied, "He didn't quite get that far,"

Gail fought to keep her breathing deep and even as a wave of relief swept through her. Thank God. "What happened?" she asked.

"I bit him," Holly said. "I twisted my neck round, and I bit him on the bicep. He had a tank top on and his arms were bear. I remember he had really hairy arms and I felt the hair tickle my tongue before I bit down into his skin," Holly took another large slug of whiskey. "I latched on with my teeth and bit him as hard as I could. I could taste his blood filling my mouth. He yelled and tried to wrench away, but I wouldn't let go, I just squeezed my jaw tighter. The biceps brachii is a big, thick muscle. Lots of vessels. Christ, there was so much blood Gail," Holly said, her face showing her revulsion.

"I know, Hols," Gail said, imagining the scene.

"He took his other hand out of my shorts and yanked my hair so hard that I let go. Then he punched me in the face," Holly ran her hand down one cheekbone as if recalling where the punch had landed. "Have you ever been hit by a guy, Gail?" she asked, suddenly.

Gail's mind flashed back to her own ordeal. She remembered the all encompassing fear that had spread through her system as she had fought Perik at Andy's place, and the panic she felt when she knew she was going to lose. The thought of Holly going through that horrified her, and now she was the one who slugged back her whiskey and reached for the bottle. She hated reliving the abduction, but she couldn't be anything less than one hundred percent honest with Holly at this point in time, given how the brunette was opening up. Holly knew the bare bones of what had happened anyway.

"Perik hit me when I opened the door to him that night. Not the usual half assed swings you get when you arrest drunks, he hit me hard and fast and I never saw it coming. I thought my head was going to explode," she told Holly.

Holly nodded in understanding. "Exactly. My God it hurts, doesn't it? My head was ringing and my face felt as if it was on fire. I couldn't see straight and my legs collapsed from under me. The last thing I remember thinking was that I was going to die. I was blacking out and I knew that when I did, this guy could do anything he wanted to me,"

Holly let her head fall back against the sofa and glared at the ceiling. When she spoke again, her voice wavered.

"When I came to, I hurt all over. But I was on my own, flat out in the dirt. I was convinced he had done all sorts of things to me and it t was only later that the medical checks confirmed he hadn't. The police figured that I had done so much damage to his arm, he'd have been in agony and that he had just ran off. I was covered in his blood,"

"I wish you'd bitten his arm off!" Gail spat out.

"Me too," Holly agreed.

"What happened? Did the police find him?"

"Nope. Never. There were a few other attacks, both before and after me but they never caught him. I spent years of my life terrified he was going to come back. The nightmares gave me insomnia, and I wouldn't leave the house on my own for a long while,"

"I am so sorry Hols," Gail whispered, feeling the need to apologise for the failings of her colleagues, even if it was another town and another time.

Holly waved away the apology with a flick of her wrist. "Do you know what, Gail? Even years later, when I wasn't having the nightmares, I dreamed of him ending up on my slab. I'd get a body in and he would have a huge bite mark shaped scar on his left bicep and I would know exactly who it was. And in my dream, I would always have this rush of sheer elation! How sick is that?" she asked furiously, tears beginning to fall once more.

Gail reached out and laid her hand over Holly's where it gripped the bottle of whiskey. "It's not. It's normal. Most people would have fantasized about murdering him themselves you know," she reassured the distraught woman in front of her, although Holly didn't look convinced.

"Anyway," Holly announced, "That's my story. Its ok, it really is. I got over it; it took me a long time, but I did. I went to therapy, I talked to some people I trusted, I researched everything around victim support and everything. It was a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time, so I finally realised he wasn't going to come back for me. And now I only ever go jogging in the mornings, but that's fine,"

"He couldn't beat you Holly. You're too strong for that," Gail told her fiercely, squeezing her hand tightly. She knew exactly what Holly meant. Perik still haunted her, and she couldn't see that ever changing. And she wasn't as strong as Holly; even before the kidnap she was messed up. It had got better over time, but it was still a gnawing fear deep inside of her. It was the knowledge that badass cop or not, she was vulnerable and she hated that.

Holly made a noise that was halfway between a sob and a laugh. "Hardly, Gail. Because today when I see a girl who has been attacked in the park, it all comes flooding back to me and I can hardly function when I'm supposed to be helping her,"

"No. You did everything you were supposed to do today. You were great, I know you were," Gail replied, and she did. She knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that even if Holly was freaking out internally, she would have done her job and done it well. In that way, the two of them weren't at all different.

"All I kept thinking today was that it could have been me, Gail. It was so nearly me. Bound, raped, beaten and killed, and left dumped in a park..." the last of Holly's resolve crumbled and her sobs filled the room. Gail froze for a split second, before gathering her up in her arms once more, hugging the other woman tightly to her chest and rocking her slightly.

"It wasn't you, Hols. You're here and you're safe and its ok," she told her over and over, whilst in her own mind she also thanked her lucky stars that it wasn't Holly. Thank God Holly was brave enough and lucky enough to stop the animal who had attacked her years ago. Tears began to form in her own eyes too. She cried for Holly, and for the girl who had lost her life today, and held Holly close whilst they both got lost in their own pain.

"I'm sorry," Holly mumbled against her chest, "I'm supposed to be a professional; rise above this sort of emotional involvement".

"Listen. Someone smart told me this, so listen up. This happens to everyone you know. You can't do the jobs we do without sometimes having a case that knocks you flat on your back. It's not a bad thing to feel like this, it's just human. It's not fun, but it'll make you better in the end. Ok?" Gail ended her little speech by tipping Holly's chin up so that she could look into those dark eyes.

Holly swallowed and nodded. She leant back from Gail and straightened up her glasses which had been knocked askew. "That's good advice. Oliver?"

"Yep. That's what he said to me when I was cut up about Sophie. At least, it was something like that. He started talking about weapons and shoes after, so I got distracted!" Gail told her.

"Will you tell me about her?" Holly asked

Gail froze. "Who?" she said, trying to buy some time.

"Sophie. You've mentioned her a couple of times now. Seem like it's important to you,"

It was all very well listening to Holly's problems thought Gail, but she didn't really want to go into her own. They had already touched on Perik and that was enough. Yet Holly had poured her heart and soul out tonight, she had trusted Gail implicitly with her darkest moments and hadn't held back anything. She wanted to put the same trust in Holly, she really did. She knew that Holly wouldn't judge or laugh. It was just hard. She took a deep breath.

"I will. I promise. But not tonight, hey? It's late, and I think we're both all cried out, don't you?" she asked with a rueful smile.

Holly searched Gail's face for any sign of avoidance, but it seemed the blonde was genuine. "Ok. But I'll hold you to that, Peck! Don't think I won't" she told her sternly.

Grabbing the box of tissues from the table once more, Gail handed Holly a few to sort her face out. "Come on Lunchbox, you know I'm no good with feelings," she said flippantly, in an effort to break to sombre atmosphere. She went to stand up, but Holly's hand on her arm stopped her.

"I think you're better than you think you are Gail," she emphasized, "You've been great tonight; you knew exactly what I needed and talked me through one of the worst experiences of my life. And I feel better, I really do. Thank you," Holly stated, sincerity radiating through her.

"I was just guessing Hols. I have no idea, honestly," Gail shook off the compliment, as she always did.

"Well, you did good Gail," Holly said firmly, giving Gail's arm one last squeeze before removing her hand. "How did you even know I was upset?" she asked curiously.

"Andy said something. Well actually, Gerald the Rookie did first, but I got the details from Andy,"

"That rookie vomited near my crime scene!" Holly frowned and her face darkened. Gail thought Gerald was lucky Holly hadn't been fully in the zone today, otherwise he would have felt the full force of Hurricane Stewart.

"Don't worry. I elbowed him in the gut and dropped his phone in the trash earlier," she announced, looking immensely proud of herself.

Holly's laugh rang through the apartment and Gail felt a weight lift from her shoulders.

"So, Officer Peck, you're talking to Officer McNally again then? Do I sense a thaw in the Cold War?" she teased.

Gail adopted a haughty pose to inform the pathologist; "Well Dr Stewart, I am all about growing these days you know,"

"Fair enough," Holly grinned, remembering the reference. "You're right though, it is late. And I'm starting to feel the effects of this whiskey. What time have you got to be at work tomorrow?"

"I'm off for the next three days," Gail stated.

Holly's face fell once more, "Lucky you. I'm going to be in early. I'm doing the post mortem on Lily. That's the other thing about this case; so far we're getting nowhere. It took all morning for the crime scene techs to collect what little they could and clear me for my preliminary inspection on the body, then all afternoon in the morgue to clean her up. I got nothing; no DNA, no trace evidence worth anything, no friction ridges, no useful imprints...it's so frustrating!"

"If it's there, you'll find it Hols," was Gail's reassuring take on that.

"How can anyone inflict so much damage and yet not leave any evidence behind?" Holly mused, almost forgetting Gail was there. "It's impossible! I'm hoping something will show on my second inch by inch check, or when I open her, but if it doesn't..."

"You'll figure it out Hols. Your gigantic brain will come up with something brilliant, and then 15 will bring the guy down. I guarantee it," Gail said confidently.

"Let's hope so. I can't take any more stress from this one. If a full post-mortem doesn't show anything, the detectives don't have anything to work with. And he can't get away with this, he just can't," Holly grimaced.

"He won't," Gail stated. She pushed herself off the sofa and stood up, stretching her arms to the ceiling. "It's been a bad day all round, nerd. But tomorrow will be better,"

Holly nodded. "I've had a truly horrible day," she agreed, "Until you came round," she said, smiling at Gail who was shaking the pins and needles out of her legs.

"Yup, it's been shitty for everyone. You, Andy, Gerald, me..."

"Why have you had a bad day Gail?" Holly asked.

Gail looked at her strangely as she held her hands out to Holly, pulling the brunette to her feet, "Because you have, you dork," she told Holly, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

As Holly rose, her momentum meant she stepped in close to the woman standing opposite her. Their eyes locked, and the air suddenly seemed thicker. Holly felt like Gail's steady blue eyes were looking right through her, and Gail was in awe of how Holly could meet her gaze with no sign of embarrassment after sharing so much. As she pondered whether she would ever be able to be so open about her own insecurities, Holly leaned in and pressed her lips to the corner of Gail's mouth.

It was a gentle kiss, but Gail felt it as deeply as any of the passionate embraces that they had shared before. Without thinking, she turned her head slightly to catch Holly square on before she withdrew, but as soon as their lips met her brain caught up with her. This was wrong. She let go of Holly's hands and stepped back.

"Hold on, Holly, we can't..."

"I'm sorry," Holly interrupted, sighing. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable,"

Gail cringed. "It's not that, it's just...I came here tonight because I thought you needed a friend. I wasn't chasing anything more, I promise. And I don't want us to get caught up in something just because we're both a bit emotional and tired and...everything," she said, imploring Holly to understand.

"I get it. But just so you know, that wasn't because I'm tired, although I do feel exhausted. I did need a friend tonight, and you have been the perfect at that. And that means more to me than you know. But Gail, you'll never be just a friend to me," she said firmly.

Gail's head was swimming. What was Holly trying to say? There was still a chance for them? She hadn't been trying to prove that tonight, she honestly hadn't. She had just wanted to check Holly was ok. Although it shouldn't really have been much of a shock when the plan didn't quite go as she had envisioned; that was about the millionth time tonight she had changed her plans. She took a deep breath. As much as she wanted to launch herself at Holly, and confirm what the brunette had just said, now really was not the time.

"Ok. And just so you know, I really wanted to kiss you back just then. But it's a big day ahead, Nerd. We can talk tomorrow. Right now, I should scoot, and you should get to bed," she told her.

Gail started to move towards the door to collect her jacket and boots, but Holly's voice stopped her. "Stay," she said, quietly.

"What?" Gail asked, sure she had heard wrong.

"Stay. Stay with me tonight." The voice was loud and clear this time.

Gail didn't look round. She started to shake her head, but Holly spoke once again. "Please. I still need a friend. Nothing more, I promise. But please stay with me Gail,"

That was enough to break the thin sliver of Gail's resolve. There was no way on earth she could turn a request like that. Hell, this woman was going to break her one day. "Ok," she said, turning to face Holly. She took the hand that was stretched out towards her, and followed the older woman up the stairs, flicking off lights as they went.

Ten minutes later, Gail shuffled her way out of the bathroom, wearing one of Holly's long, oversized t-shirts. She entered the safe haven of Holly's room once again. This time, the room did feel different. It felt warm and it felt secure. Gail knew that was because this time, Holly was in here too. She climbed into bed alongside her, and wriggled down under the covers. She glanced over at Holly, checking for any more signs of pain or fear, but all she saw was an uneven smile. She smiled back, and leant over to turn off the bedside lamp.

"Gail? Gail, I need to tell you something else," she heard, out of the darkness.

"Goodnight, Holly" Gail replied firmly, thinking there had been far too much talking already that night.

"Gail, when I first arrived in the park this morning and I walked up the victim, the first thing I saw was that she had vivid blonde, short hair. And for a split second, my heart jumped into my mouth because I thought it was you. I knew it wasn't, I'd already been given the basic details and knew it was a teenager. But for that moment, the fear I felt before my brain caught up was worse than anything else that shook me up today. It was like I'd lost you before I'd even properly had you. And that's why tomorrow, we really do need to talk about us," Holly finished her speech and Gail felt her hand come to rest on top of the covers, over her thigh.

"We will Hols. I'm not going anywhere, don't worry. I'm done with running," she promised. "Now go to sleep!" she sternly insisted.

"I just thought you should know. Night, Gail," Holly said.

"Night, Nerd," Gail replied, bringing her hand outside the covers and reaching down to entwine her fingers with Holly's.


	5. Chapter 5

Gail woke to the smell of coffee drifting through the open bedroom door. She glanced at her phone and groaned; she hadn't planned on getting up this early on her day off, that was for sure. "I give up," she muttered. Clearly nothing in her life was going to happen the way she had imagined at this point in time. Oh well. Caffeine would have to make up for that.

She crawled out of bed and shuffled downstairs to the kitchen, where she found Holly fully dressed and ready for work. She was sat at the island, flipping through some papers and drinking her coffee. Gail suddenly felt nervous. What if Holly regretted falling apart last night, or was embarrassed by it? She didn't look like she needed anyone around this morning - she looked like her usual self once more; focused and sharp, ready to tackle anything. This was what Gail had been afraid of last night; outstaying her welcome. But Holly had practically begged her to stay, hadn't she?

"Hey," Gail said, quietly.

"Morning Gail," Holly looked up over her mug and smiled at the woman hovering in her kitchen. "Sorry, I was trying not to wake you."

Gail shrugged. "Is there coffee?"

"Of course," Holly said, getting up and moving to pour Gail a mug.

Gail sat down on the stool opposite Holly's. "So, you ok?" she asked, thankful Holly was facing away from her as she asked that question.

Holly paused briefly as she finished making Gail's coffee and turned back to hand it over. She looked like she was considering the question. "Apart from a slightly fuzzy head, which I haven't decided whether I'm blaming you, me or Jack for by the way? Yes, I am," she said finally. "Thank you,"

Gail took a sip of her coffee and shrugged again, to brush off Holly's thanks. Holly immediately understood. She knew Gail wasn't sure how to act around her this morning, after all that they had shared last night. Not to mention they had kind of left the whole "us" question hanging. She recognised that she needed to reassure her to stop her from closing off emotionally again.

"I don't mean thanks for asking. I meant thanks for last night. For pulling me together," she told the blonde.

"You didn't really need my help," Gail said. "But you're welcome,"

"I did, Gail. Don't play yourself down," came the reply, with almost a sharp tone to it. Holly reached out and gripped Gail's forearm where it rested on the island.

Gail looked over at Holly's earnest face. She could tell that the brunette meant it, and relaxed slightly. Why did she always have to get spiky when she was nervous, she asked herself? Honestly, no wonder people found her hard work...right now, she was finding herself hard work. Give it up Peck, she told herself, just be honest and say what you're thinking.

She set down her mug and used her free hand to squeeze Holly's hand lightly. "Anytime," she said softly. Their eyes met and Gail could see a flash of something across Holly's face but it was gone before she could read it. It looked almost like hope, maybe. Holly broke the connection before Gail did, and withdrew to her side of the island. She tipped her mug back, and finished the dregs of her coffee.

"I have to go to work," she stated, sounding regretful.

Gail nodded. "Busy day," she said. She wanted to ask Holly if she would be alright, but didn't want Holly to assume that she thought she wouldn't be.

"Yeah," Holly replied thoughtfully. "But I'm ready. I think."

"Go get them then Nerd. Nail him," Gail told her.

Holly couldn't hide her uncertainty. "You have a lot more confidence than I do about this one, Gail,"

"If it's there, you'll find it," Gail declared, repeating her assurances from the previous evening and trying to put all the conviction she could muster into those words.

Holly smiled her thanks once more. She took a deep breath and looked Gail squarely in the eye before asking "Will you be here when I get back?"

Gail hesitated. That sounded like a loaded question if ever she heard one. Holly was actually asking her to be here, right? They had promised each other they would talk about their situation. Gail couldn't decide whether she was terrified or thrilled about that prospect. Explaining what had gone on in her head all those months ago was going to be hard. She wasn't a hundred percent sure she understood it herself. But the possibility of fixing things with Holly was more than worth it. She nodded firmly. "I will be if you want me to be,"

"I do," was Holly's simple reply, along with her lop sided grin. "I haven't forgotten that we need to talk."

"Ok. Text me when you know what time you'll be back, and I'll meet you here," Gail said.

"Good. Great. Well, help yourself to breakfast, there are some waffles in the freezer and I think I have some of that chocolate spread stuff that you like in the cupboard. I mean, feel free to hang out this morning, you don't have to rush off. You could watch TV or whatever; it is your day off after all! Just...do whatever you want. In fact, you could just let yourself in later if you get back earlier, don't wait for me, you know where the spare key is..."

Gail listened to Holly's monologue whilst fighting the urge to laugh. If Holly was back in ramble mode, she must be feeling better! She had missed listening to her big dork express every half thought that crossed her mind. She felt like she could listen to this all morning...but Holly did need to get to work.

"Stewart!" she interrupted. "I get the message. I'll make myself at home. I always do. You'll be complaining later when you find I've eaten everything in your fridge. Except the vegetables, obviously. So get going!"

Holly stopped her musings over whether she had any cheese puffs in the house, and had the good grace to look a little bashful. "I'll see you later then, Officer Peck," she said as she stood up. She gathered up her coat and bag from the hooks near the door, and collected the paperwork from the island. She tapped the sheets on the surface to straighten them, repeating the action on each of the four sides, before tucking them into her bag carefully and precisely.

Holly then slowly pulled on her coat, and wriggled her shoulders to make it sit right. She wavered on the spot and Gail could see those dark eyes looking over at her from under her eyelids. She's playing for time, Gail suddenly realised! She doesn't know how to say goodbye, whether to hug me or give me a kiss or something. Actually, Gail didn't know whether she should either. She decided to put them both out their misery.

"Go, Nerd. See you tonight," she said firmly, gesturing towards the door.

Holly looked relieved and disappointed all at the same time. She shook her head slightly, as if to clear her mind before scuttling out of the kitchen area. "'Bye Gail," she called, as she picked up her car keys and unlocked the front door.

"See ya Hols," Gail murmured, as the door slammed behind the pathologist. Now, where did Holly say those waffles were?

...

Later that evening, Holly stepped through her door once more, only to stop short at the sight of Gail Peck, Queen of Junk Food, juggling pans in her kitchen. Gail turned to greet her, and laughed at look of sheer disbelief plastered over Holly's face.

"Hey Lunchbox!" Gail said nonchalantly, tossing a pinch of salt into a large saucepan.

"Hi," Holly said, staring at the evidence of actual cooking scattered all over the kitchen.

"How was your day?" Gail asked her. She had texted Holly at lunchtime to check how things were going, but Holly's responses had been fairly short – just enough to reassure Gail that she was fine without sharing any details on the case.

"You're cooking," Holly remarked, in a puzzled voice. She blinked her eyes to check she wasn't hallucinating.

"Yep!" came the short answer.

"I figured we'd get take out again, or I'd do some pasta or something," Holly slowly mused, as she dumped her coat and bag near the door.

"Well, we're having lasagne. Hope you like it, 'cos it's too late to change it now," Gail said.

"I love lasagne," Holly told her. "But you're making it? From scratch?" she asked.

"Obviously. You're supposed to be smart Hols, come on! Use your eyes!" Gail retorted.

Holly opened and closed her mouth. This girl came up with new ways to unbalance her almost every time she saw her. She scanned her memory, but she already knew; she had never seen Gail cook before. Gail had never even helped her to cook, or shown the slightest interest in cooking.

"Right," she said, shaking her head. "Well do you need any help?"

"You, Holly Stewart, have no faith in me," Gail declared in a dark voice. "Look at you, all freaked out because I'm cooking dinner. Don't worry Nerd, I'm not going to poison you, or burn your house down or..."

"I didn't mean that!" Holly interrupted.

"Yes you did. Your shock and horror is written all over that pretty face of yours!" Gail retorted, pointing the cheese grater in a rather threatening manner.

"Well you're the one who told me that you couldn't cook," Holly said, trying to regain her equilibrium.

"Nope. I told you that I don't cook, not that I can't. Big difference, Lunchbox. I am a fantastic cook," Gail proclaimed.

Holly rolled her eyes. "So why don't you cook, if you're such a talent?"

"Seriously? Have you seen where I live? Chris and Dov are the most disgusting creatures on the planet. I would probably get food poisoning and die a slow and painful death if I ate anything prepared in that kitchen!" Gail shuddered theatrically as she gave the sauce a quick stir.

Holly snorted. Gail was always so dramatic, and yet Holly knew for a fact that the police officer wilfully ignored the three second rule, which everyone knows is the first law of food hygiene. "You could always clean it up, you know," she told Gail.

"Not my mess, not my problem," Gail stated firmly. "Besides, your kitchen is so much nicer. There's all this space and all these cool gadgets…" she enthused, waving the utensil in her hand in Holly's direction.

"Gail, that's just a slotted spoon," Holly told her, with a quirk of her eyebrows.

"Exactly. A slotted spoon. I can barely find a standard spoon in my kitchen!"

Holly had to laugh at that one. It was true; on one of the few occasions she has been round at Gail's, she had spent ten minutes sorting through the kitchen drawers in search of a teaspoon but to no avail. She had found four different bottle openers though, which she thought was a little excessive. The explanation for that was typical Gail - one each for the three people in the flat, plus a spare one for emergencies.

"Anyway, you didn't answer my question," Gail said. "How did it go today?"

Holly perched on the bar stool and watched Gail grate some cheese for the white sauce. "It was hard," she said, slowly. "What you said last night about it being ok to be upset helped; I kept reminding myself of that and so things didn't get to me so much. It took most of the day to do the autopsy. It was pretty stressful though, because the detectives were all over us for any news and obviously I was desperate to find something too..."

"You did find something, didn't you?" Gail butted in. She could tell by the look on Holly's face. She was pleased, but trying to hold it back.

"Ink," Holly replied.

"Ink?" was Gail's puzzled response.

"Yes. Ink. I found minuscule ink residues in two of Lily's wounds,"

"What? I don't get it. You mean like pen ink? But how would that get there?" Gail asked, as she threw the cheese into a pan.

"No, the lab guys analysed it and its tattoo ink. Two different types actually. Lily didn't have any tattoos, so we think it must be trace from the killer. Apparently new tattoos can bleed a little ink, so the theory is our guy must have gotten a new tattoo very recently," Holly explained.

"Which is a start, but only really useful if we can narrow down where he got that done," Gail interjected, understanding immediately.

"Exactly! And we can. The lab have broken it down already, and identified a particular brand and type. The detectives are on it," Holly told the cop.

"And then we may be able to run more samples of that ink and match it to a specific batch. We'll go through the lists of where it was sold to, get a customer list, and there's our suspect pool!" Gail said excitedly.

Holly nodded. That was exactly what Traci had explained to her earlier; Gail was going to make a great detective some day. But maybe not a great cook; as Gail's mind whirled furiously through the case, she began to stir her sauce faster and faster.

"Ease up Officer!" Holly told her, pointing at the sauce.

Gail rolled her eyes, "Don't question my methods Doc," she said, before continuing her train of thought "The problem is then we're relying on the tattoo artists keeping records of who had what done, and when"

"I know. If not, you'll be trawling through lists of hundreds of people,"

"It's a hell of a lot of work," Gail grimaced at the thought of it. "We'll all be chained to the desks over the next few weeks. But that's brilliant - we can get him from this Hols! Well done, Nerd!"

"Well there are a lot of ifs and buts still. Traci was pleased, but she's not too hopeful. She told me it's all reliant on the records and numbers; whether the ink manufacturers know where they sold it, how many studios have bought both types of ink and how many customers' designs included both. And that's assuming he had it done officially and not in his buddy's garage or whatever," Holly sighed. She had been thrilled when she spotted the tiny traces and extricated them from the body, but it was only a small step of the process.

"I know, but it's a start. And it's more than they had this morning," Gail told her, turning the heat off and coming to stand behind Holly.

"They're working on a couple of other leads too, so hopefully some other pieces of the puzzle will drop into place alongside this," Holly said.

"You did good Lunchbox. Told you you'd get something," Gail squeezed Holly's shoulders with both hands, massaging the tension out of them. She continued the motion for a few moments before spinning the bar stool round to face her.

"So, I ran the bath for you earlier if you want to go and have a soak again? You might want to put some more hot water in though. Dinner will be ready in about thirty minutes," she told the brunette.

Holly smiled, and tried to imprint the image of Gail in her kitchen into her mind, making dinner for them both and looking after her. She stared at the blonde, their eyes locking together. Holly felt a warm feeling spread across her chest. She had dreamed about this in the months since they had split up. Perhaps not exactly this, as the thought of Gail cooking wouldn't have crossed her mind even in her wildest daydreams. But she had often imagined being able to come home to Gail, and spend their evening together doing simple things.

"Earth to Nerd, come in Nerd," Gail called, waving her hand in front of Holly's face and breaking the eye contact. She looked at Holly as if the pathologist had gone mad. "Are you listening to me? Bath?"

Holly nodded. She needed to escape the kitchen for a while, before her brain ran away from her. "Sounds like heaven. Thank you," she told the blonde before she made her way out of the kitchen and up the stairs, dropping a quick kiss on Gail's cheek as she stood up next to her.

Gail couldn't help the grin that spread across her face. She was definitely going to cook for Holly more often, if this was the reaction it provoked. Holly had been looking at her with such intent longing that she had felt her heart swell and the blood rush past her ears. She wondered what Holly had been thinking about. Maybe she would ask her later – but first she had to construct this lasagne...

...

By the time Holly came back downstairs, Gail was sat on the sofa with a beer in hand and her feet up on the coffee table. Holly winced slightly at the mess in the kitchen; clearly Gail's cooking talents didn't quite extend to the washing up too. Oh well. She wandered over to the fridge and grabbed a beer for herself. She couldn't help but open the oven door to sneak a peek at the dish bubbling away inside. It smelled delicious!

"Checking up on me again, Nerd?" Gail muttered from behind her, making Holly jump a little. She had no idea how Gail always managed to sneak up on her like that.

"It looks good," she told the blonde. In all honestly, Holly couldn't wait to try Gail's cooking for the first time.

"So do you," Gail replied in a low voice, which pushed Holly even further off balance. She frowned; was Gail deliberately trying to unsettle her? Or flirt with her?! She stepped back a little and gave Gail a searching look.

Gail grinned and winked at the brunette. One nil Peck! "I mean, nice t-shirt," she said.

Holly glanced down at the shirt Gail had laid out for her tonight, finally realising that she was being teased. It was a plain, navy blue t-shirt, with the Toronto Police Service badge embroidered on the left side of the chest. She had never seen it before, so Gail must have brought it over today.

"Yeah, but funnily enough, I don't remember seeing this one in my drawer before?" she said, casually.

"It's one of my gym ones," Gail told her, "I figured that if you were into stealing clothes from your exes, then the police force is way cooler than Guns N Roses!"

Holly looked at her seriously. Two could play at this game. "Hmmm. How very possessive. If I'd have realised you would get jealous about a t-shirt, I'd have thrown it out yesterday instead of putting it on," she informed Gail before stepping in closer to the grinning police officer and placing a hand on her shoulder. She leant in close to whisper into her ear, "And I don't want you to be my ex, Gail." Holly let her hand fall and brush down Gail's side as she stepped past, crossing the kitchen to fetch plates from the cupboard.

Gail's jaw dropped agape. She hadn't been expecting Holly to call her out over the damn t-shirt. She had really only been half teasing when she said Holly looked good; the navy top was slightly tighter on the pathologist than it was on Gail herself and it showed off her figure. Holly had pinned her hair up in a messy bun and Gail's eyes were drawn to the sweep of her neck. She desperately wanted to trail her lips down that expanse of skin...and then reclaim her shirt from Holly.

When Gail had dropped by her home earlier to change and collect her stuff, she had seen the shirt hanging off the end of her bed and bought it back for a joke rather than to make any sort of statement. But she couldn't deny that Holly was right; she had been jealous that Holly was wearing an ex's t-shirt and she felt a sense of possessive pleasure seeing Holly wearing her shirt instead. The last time she has seen Holly wearing her clothes had been after a night spent entwined together in a torrent of heat, love and pleasure. Holly had cooked breakfast wearing nothing but Gail's uniform shirt. The shirt barely covered Holly's ass, and the glimpses of soft skin had tormented Gail all through breakfast. They only just made it back to the bedroom.

Gail sighed, and shook the thoughts of Holly's bare skin and long limbs out of her mind. This evening was actually going to be torture until they had their talk.


	6. Chapter 6

**AN/ So, last chapter! Thanks to all those who have sent reviews and messages, and sorry about the long gap in the middle of posting this! I ended up doing a few extra weeks abroad, as I had an offer I couldn't refuse. Good for the soul, bad for writing. Be warned, this chapter is rather dialouge heavy. Also, we hear a little more from Holly in this one. Most of this story has been from Gail's point of view, but Holly just wouldn't stop butting in for the ending. Don't ask me why, I just write the blinking thing. So it's ended up switching back and forth a little, hopefully it all makes sense. Cheers, Sam.**

Holly had to admit it; Gail's lasagne was fantastic. She had thoroughly enjoyed her meal, and she was pretty sure Gail knew it. The blonde was smirking at her from across the table, waiting for Holly to comment on the food. They two of them had been eating in silence for the past fifteen minutes, but Holly knew Gail would sit there for much longer; Gail liked silence. Holly decided to cave in.

"That was delicious, Gail," she told her.

"I know!" Gail declared, as if there was any other conclusion to be made.

"You can cook for me more often," Holly said, jokingly.

"Ok," came the simple reply.

Holly laughed. It couldn't be that easy; in all the months she had known Gail, she had never offered to cook. She doubted the police officer had developed a sudden urge to take up a new hobby. "And what will you expect in return, Officer Peck?" she asked.

Gail smiled, set down her cutlery and wiped her mouth with a napkin. She looked Holly square in the eye and said, "I want you to forgive me. Because I'm sorry I avoided you after that night I met your friends."

Holly blinked in confusion, not expecting the sudden change of topic, let alone the blunt way Gail had raised in. She knew that they had promised to talk tonight, but had been happy to wait for Gail to take the lead, as she thought the blonde would be awkward about it. But it looked like they were doing this here and now, without any gentle introduction. So Holly asked the question that had been upmost in her mind since that week.

"Why did you? Why did you ignore me?"

Gail wrinkled her nose. She had asked herself that question many times and still wasn't one hundred percent sure of the answer. "Once I'd run, I didn't know how to come back," she said slowly, "I've never wanted to before. By the time I worked out that I did want to fix it, I just didn't know how,"

"But Gail, you could have spoken to me. You could have asked me how. We would have figured it out together," Holly shook her head. She was afraid that it had been something like this. Gail had warned her off several times during the early days of their relationship, telling her that if things got serious, Gail would escape. Holly had laughed it off, because it seemed to her that Gail was getting better at sharing what was going on with her.

"I know," Gail replied. "It wasn't just that. You hurt me Holly. When Lisa said that about me being just a cop, and you told her that it was fine, that we were having fun, I freaked out. I thought you and me were in different places, just like every other relationship I've had,"

"It wasn't like that Gail," Holly interrupted, but Gail didn't let her finish.

"I know," she said again. "I get that now. I had a lot of time to think about it; if you just wanted some fun, then I'm the wrong girl. I'm not exactly a picnic in the park at the best of times, and yet you stuck around during some really shitty days. But at the time, I thought it was true,"

"I'm sorry I hurt you Gail, I really am. But no matter how hard we both try, it might happen. I might hurt your feelings or you might hurt mine. I just don't see why that's a reason to throw our relationship away, rather than work it out," Holly said in an exasperated voice.

"Yeah. You know what I'm like; when I get hurt, I lash out. And that's what I did to you. Then once I'd calmed down, I probably would have answered your calls. But I was scared, Holly. That's what happened next. I got scared, because I'm a coward. I'll chase an armed perp ten blocks and tackle him, but I can't tell people how I feel. Go figure. It's not normal, is it?" Gail mused.

She didn't understand that herself, so she couldn't expect Holly to. Other people seemed to find it so easy to share their deepest thoughts and emotions. People like Chloe and Andy were constantly blurting them out, whether you wanted to hear about it or not. They actually seemed to enjoy tossing things back and forth with their friends, and didn't care if it made them seem weak or foolish. Gail just didn't get it. Whenever she had to have a serious conversation with someone, all she experienced was total panic. Her heart would beat faster, her hands got all clammy, her tongue would feel tied and her words would get all jumbled up. As she thought about it though, she suddenly realised she wasn't feeling those things now. Weird. Don't think about it Peck, she told herself. You'll only start yourself off.

"I don't understand what you were scared of?" Holly asked softly.

"I was scared of having to explain that the reason I was upset was because I felt so much more for you. I didn't want to admit I had fallen for you, when you thought we were some casual thing. I was embarrassed. And I was furious with myself,"

Gail leant back in her chair and sighed. "By the time I'd figured out that all those things you did, and all those times you'd called meant that maybe I was more than a bit of fun, it was too late,"

"You should have just answered your phone Gail. I'd have told you that in an instant," Holly told her wearily. She was trying to be patient with Gail, as at least the officer was being honest, but this conversation was so frustrating. She stood up from the table and picked up their dishes. She carried them through to the kitchen and dumped them in the sink, using the time to process what Gail was saying. It was good to finally hear what had been going through Gail's head back then, even if it irritated the life out of her how much time they had wasted. If Gail had let her speak to her, this could have been sorted months ago. Holly growled her annoyance.

"I'd understand, you know," came a voice from behind her, "If you can't forgive me. I know I don't deserve it."

Holly turned to look at Gail. Her anguish was written over her face, in complete contrast to Gail's usual stony expression. She made a point of taking a deep breath, slowly inhaling air deep into her lungs before releasing it. As she stared at Gail, she felt her frustration begin to seep away.

"I already have, Gail," she said. "Don't you see that? I thought I made it clear last night, and earlier. I forgive you because I want to be with you. We just need to figure out how we're going to make it work this time. Because I'm guessing that you feel the same?"

Gail felt relief flood through her body in a tangible wave, and her knees actually weakened a little. Hearing Holly say that she wanted her pushed away the panic that had been invading her mind since she'd seen the shadow that crossed Holly's face when they has started this conversation. She had been terrified Holly wouldn't accept her apology and explanation.

"God, Holly, you know I do. I've missed you so much. I don't even know how you did it, but you became a huge part of my life in a short space of time. I've always been on my own, and I thought I liked it, I thought it was just the way I am. But suddenly, not having you there made me feel more alone than ever," Gail tailed off and leant against the kitchen worktop, feeling the need to support herself.

"Glad we're on the same page then. That could have been awkward," Holly joked, in a bid to break the charged atmosphere in the room. Gail smiled and shook her head.

"Hols, nothing could have made this more awkward. I'm just not good at this talking thing. It's not that we need to figure out how to make us work, I just need to sort myself out," she said sadly.

Holly frowned and moved towards the blonde. "Come sit with me," she commanded gently. She gripped Gail's wrist and pulled her towards the living room. Gail followed willingly, flopped onto the sofa and tilted her head back against the cushions. Holly gazed down at her before sitting at the other end with her legs crossed underneath her.

"You know, that is one of the things you need to work on. Stop it Gail. Stop putting yourself down like that. You need to give yourself a break. How can someone who is so confident in all other walks of life - almost to the point of arrogance - spend so much time beating herself up when it comes to relationships? This was not your fault. This was our fault," Holly implored, wanting Gail to really listen to her.

Gail was taken aback by the force behind Holly's words. "I was the one who was hurt and angry and scared and just...mixed up. Not you," she said. Gail didn't get it. She was quite happy to take the blame for what had happened; she knew she had screwed up by running from Holly. Holly didn't need to be so generous, trying to share the blame. It was fine, she had forgiven Gail and they were going to move on.

"It's ok to be those things Gail," Holly stated, adjusting her glasses. "I was so pissed off with you, you know. After I'd stopped beating myself up about hurting you, I was just so mad that you wouldn't speak to me about it,"

"You had every right to be," Gail shrugged. "I'd have hit the roof if you ignored me like that,"

"It wasn't just because you ignored me..." Holly began, but Gail interrupted.

"No. You were mad because I didn't trust you enough. After everything you did for me, I didn't believe in what we had. I let one sentence create such huge doubt in my mind about how you felt, when everything else you'd done before that had already shown me. And then I didn't even give you a chance to explain. You had earned that chance a million times over, and I should have trusted you enough to know that what I overheard wasn't the full story. But I didn't,"

"Yes. That's exactly why I was mad," Holly agreed, raising her eyebrows in surprise. She hadn't expected Gail to get that.

Gail caught the gesture and gave Holly a small, rueful smile. "Like I said Hols, I've thought about this a lot lately,"

"Clearly. Anyway, what I'm saying is that I was angry too. It's why I was so cold to you that day in the lab. Because if I'd let my feelings show, I would have bitten your head off that day," Holly said darkly, before continuing, "And I was scared too. That's kind of how all this started in the first place actually,"

"What were you scared of Holly?" Gail asked curiously. Until yesterday, she had always seen Holly as completely self assured; throughout their friendship and then fledgling relationship Holly had been so relaxed. Apart from that moment in the interrogation room, but Gail kind of figured that was a blip. It was news to her if the brunette had been nervy about something for all that time.

"You," said Holly, simply. "I was scared of you. When I met you Gail, I'd not long come out of a serious relationship. Guns N Roses girl actually – her name is Claire. We were together for four years, and we split up maybe a few months before you tried to kick me out of my own crime scene,"

"What happened?" asked Gail. She realised she didn't really know anything about Holly's past relationships; they had never had that conversation before. Apart from a few stories Holly had shared about her first girlfriend, in a bid to ease Gail's nerves about... um...fumbling around.

Holly shrugged. "She left me. She said she had just fallen out of love with me, and she left. No big incident, no disaster. In some ways, that's worse you know. If someone cheats on you or whatever, then there's a reason. And you have a choice. But what do you do when someone turns round and says they don't love you anymore?" she wondered, sadly.

"She's crazy. The woman is actually out of her tiny mind," Gail stated.

Holly smirked. "Thanks. Anyway, that had happened, and I was devastated. I was a mess for a while. You know how it goes, heartbreak hotel..."

"Do not quote Elvis at me, otherwise we may have more issues than we thought," Gail interjected in a horrified voice.

Holly swatted her on the arm before continuing, "Oh behave. I mean I did the whole locked in my bedroom, sobbing into my pillow, eating ice cream and listening to terrible love songs thing,"

"Not Elvis though, right?" Gail asked, suspiciously.

"Who's telling this story Gail?" Holly demanded and Gail motioned at her to carry on.

"My friends and family helped me dig myself out of my hole eventually. It helped that I had the new job, so I decided to start afresh. I'd been in serious relationships for eight or nine years, and even my Mom was telling me to just go out and have some fun!" Holly rolled her eyes at the memory.

"And so you did," Gail said, unsure where the brunette was going with this. Hadn't she just told Gail that they weren't just having fun?

"Yeah, I did. I met a few people, kept it casual and enjoyed myself. I said yes to things I wouldn't usually say yes to, which was liberating. I even had my mantra, just like you quoted yesterday – I wanted to be 'all about growing'. It sounds stupid, when I explain it out loud," she said, groaning slightly as covered her face with her hands.

"No, it doesn't. I've kind of being giving that a go myself lately," Gail told her. "Christ, its hard work though!" she said vehemently.

"Oh I don't know," Holly mused, "Some of my blind dates were a lot of fun..." This time Gail was the one to hit Holly on the arm.

Holly grinned at her, but when Gail's eyes met hers, the mischievousness she felt slowly faded.

"But then I met you, Gail. And you ruined all my plans," Holly said softly.

"I hate it when that happens," muttered Gail under her breath, thinking about the last couple of days. Holly didn't hear her and carried on with her explanation.

"So the truth is that when I first met you, I did just think that we could have a bit of fun. But that lasted all of half a day, until I told you I was gay and you had the single most casual reaction I have ever heard in all my life. I think was the start of my ridiculous crush on you,"

"Ridiculous?!" Gail exclaimed, not sure whether to be offended by that.

"Ridiculous," Holly repeated. "It snowballed from there. I was hopelessly drawn to you, against all my better judgement. We had a drink that night after work, and you insulted my choice of bar. We had lunch and you stole half my sandwich. We went to the batting cages and you wimped out and made me laugh till I cried. I picked you up from the hospital when you were so cute you made my heart melt..."

"Holly, I am not cute!" Gail interrupted, blushing a little. "And as nice as it is to hear all about how amazing I am, you're rambling again. Is there a point to this story?" she asked.

"Sorry! I got carried away. Yes I have a point," Holly stated. "What I'm saying Gail, is that I fell for you so easily, and that scared me silly. I was supposed to be having some time out of relationships, and all I could think about was being with you. I kept telling myself that I hadn't fallen for you, but I was kidding myself. I lied to all my friends about it too, Lisa included, when I told them you were just a friend,"

Gail scowled at the mention of Lisa. Gail knew she had screwed up, but she figured she could be mature enough have that self-realisation and still blame Lisa for sticking her nose in and starting this whole mess.

Holly decided to ignore Gail's sour face; now wasn't the time to discuss Lisa. "So that night at The Penny, when Lisa quizzed me about you, I didn't want to admit that I was completely and utterly hooked. I didn't want to admit it to myself, let alone to my friends who had been telling me for months to loosen up, have some fun. And I'm sorry about that Gail, I'm sorry I wasn't honest in that split second, and you ended up hurt. But it just goes to show; we all get mad and we all get scared. It's not just you and you're certainly not a lesser person because that happens,"

Holly finished her explanation and lifted her hands in a 'so there you have it' gesture. Gail gazed over at her, smiling at the way Holly adjusted her glasses which had slid down her nose once more during that story. She was glad Holly had told her a little bit more about what she had been thinking during that stage in their relationship, but honestly, it didn't make any difference to Gail. She had already forgiven Holly a hundred times over for that one careless sentence. If Holly had told Gail that she was falling for her in those early days, Gail would have run a mile. She wasn't ready to hear it, so how could she blame Holly for not being ready to say it?

Gail realised she was sitting there staring, but she couldn't think of the words to tell Holly what she wanted her to know. So she did the next best thing, shifting position on the couch to lean over and kiss the brunette soundly on the lips.

Gail melted into Holly's soft curves as their lips collided, pulling the other woman's upper lip into her mouth and delicately brushing her tongue over it. She ran her hands over Holly's jaw line and up into the smooth silk of her hair, entwining her fingers into the long locks at the back of her head. As Holly's hands made their way underneath Gail's shirt, she could feel the gentle touch of Holly's fingertips burning tiny spots of fire up the sides of her ribcage. As she pulled away, Holly caught her lower lip in a last lingering tug to leave them both breathing heavily. Gail didn't think she had ever shared a kiss that was so reverent and yet so full of fervour.

As she leant back she realised that somehow she had moved all the way across the couch and had thrown a leg over Holly, effectively straddling her lap. She looked down at the brunette from her elevated position and noticed Holly's eyes were closed, her head bowed down as she waited for her heartbeat and breathing to return to normal. Gail released her hands from where they had settled on Holly's shoulders, and used one of her forefingers to tip Holly's head upwards.

Holly opened her eyes and Gail's breath caught in her throat when the pathologist smiled a five star, megawatt smile up at her. She could lose herself in that smile.

"God, I've missed you," Gail told her.

Holly kissed Gail lightly on the chin. "I've missed you too," she said, her smile not diminishing.

"We'll get it right this time, won't we Hols?" the blonde asked anxiously, smoothing her hands over Holly's upper arms. "I don't think I can stand it if we screw this up again..."

"Shush," Holly whispered, wrapping her arms even more tightly around Gail's waist. "We both know what we have to do now; we just need to talk. If we get scared, or confused, or angry...or whatever. I promise I'll tell you what's going on in my head, if you tell me what's happening in yours?"

"I'll try Holly, I really will. I want to be better at the whole sharing thing" Gail promised, earnestly.

"Well I think you've started tonight, Gail. I genuinely don't think I've ever heard you talk so much!" Holly chuckled, and leant in to press a kiss to the base of Gail's throat. "Apart from when you're ranting at the Playstation."

"Don't get used to it, Nerd. You're still the talker. I actually feel a bit ill now with all these words," Gail said, only half joking.

"Lucky your girlfriend is a doctor then, right?" Holly grinned, pressing the back of her hand against Gail's forehead as if taking her temperature.

"Calling yourself my girlfriend again already, Lunchbox?" Gail asked, teasingly. "But we haven't even been out on a proper date yet!"

"Are you asking me out, Officer?" Holly murmured, trailing her fingers down Gail's neck and across the line of her collarbone, towards the centre of her chest.

Gail considered that. She was giddy with the thought of having Holly back in her life, and as much as she wanted to wrap herself around the brunette and cocoon themselves away much like before, this time it felt slightly different too. She wanted to shout it from the rooftops that this amazing, gorgeous, special woman was with her. She wanted to show her off to the world, but more than that, she wanted Holly to feel like she was the most important person in the world. She wanted to romance her and cherish her. Do things right this time.

"Yep," she said firmly. "Will you go on a date with me, Holly? Tomorrow?"

"Of course," came the immediate reply.

"A proper date?" Gail clarified, "None of that batting cage shit. I'll pick you up, and I'll bring flowers. And take you to a nice restaurant. I'll even let you share my dessert,"

"You could take me anywhere, and I'd enjoy it Gail. But if that's what you want to do, then that's what we'll do," Holly answered, "But that's tomorrow. What are we going to do to pass the time tonight?" she enquired sultrily. Holly gripped the lapels of Gail's shirt, and moved them to each side, leaving a clear expanse of skin around her breastbone. She dipped her head and feathered small kisses across the skin she had exposed.

"Mmm," Gail moaned. She felt like she was getting distracted here, and she wanted to do this right, mark the occasion of their reconciliation properly. She lifted Holly's head up and pressed a quick kiss to her lips. "That's what I want to do, Holly. And if we're going to do this properly, then you need to stop that. Otherwise we'll fall into bed before I've even bought you dinner,"

"You made me dinner tonight, Gail. Surely that counts?" Holly asked, disappointed to be pulled away from her ministrations. She ran her hands slowly down Gail's front, and dipped slightly under the waistband of her jeans, rubbing her thumbs across the blonde's hipbones.

Gail gasped. She needed to divert the pathologist's attention as she knew full well that when Holly was in this mood, she could wrap Gail round her little finger. "Nope. It wasn't one of those dinners where you do your hair, wear your special, fancy perfume and put on a dress. And killer heels. Definitely killer heels. That's what we're doing tomorrow," she told the woman sat underneath her.

"Sounds amazing. You know I like it when you put your sexy heels on," she husked, as her fingers splayed over Gail's abdomen and her thumbs moved lower to tease the skin around the edge of Gail's underwear.

Gail grabbed Holly's wrists reflexively. Her head was swimming, and she could feel heat beginning to gather in all the right places on her body. She couldn't hold out against this assault much longer. She gave it one last try; "Well, you're going to have to scrub up you know," she said, tugging at the t-shirt the brunette was wearing. "These scruffy t-shirts you've been slobbing round in for the last few days won't cut it!"

Holly laughed, and quirked an eyebrow. "Oh really?" she enquired. Holly grabbed Gail's waist and pulled herself tight against her, before pushing forward sharply off the back of the couch. She turned her hips and flipped Gail sideways, off her lap and onto her back, lying along the couch. She let go of Gail, knelt up alongside the police officer and moved her hands down to the hem of the t-shirt. "Maybe you should have this back then?"

Gail watched as Holly slowly drew the t-shirt up over her body and head, before tossing it to one side. She wore nothing underneath it. Fuck it, thought Gail. We can do things properly tomorrow. She arched up off the couch to meet crash her lips hungrily against Holly's, who was already moving down to meet her. Tonight, they'd get to know each other again.


End file.
